I am a 60 yro WM widowed Vet who has had an increasing PSA for two yrs now. It is now at 14.2 and my immunologist at the VA is pushing me to have a biopsy. I am one of the oldest living long-term survivors of HIV in the US. My immunologist acts more or less as my primary physician.

I am having a hard time getting my family and the few friends I have to accept my decision to not have a biopsy because if I do have prostate cancer I have no intention of treating it. I was widowed in 2013 when my triad partners died 5 months apart. The younger one died of colon cancer 5 mths after his initial diagnosis. Losing them has made me the last man standing three times in my lifetime. By 1985 everyone I came out with in high school was dead. In 1992 everyone my own age I had met upon moving to Tx was dead. When I lost my husbands in 2013 everyone we had known had either moved away or died.

I spent 2016 and 17 homeless. I have no close family and only one or two ppl I would truly call friends. I worked with cancer patients in radiation oncology at Presbyterian hospital in Denver for a year after I left the service. I know what is involved in treating and beating cancer. And I don't have a support group to get me through it. The last few years have taken their toll on me. I am blind in one eye because of an assault. I have lost everything I owned when I became homeless. I don't have the fight left in me to face this alone. I simply want to allow the disease to run its course and when the pain becomes unbearable I will take measures to die with some dignity. I won't allow myself to be forced by the medical profession to die the way my loved ones w cancer were forced to. Taking chemo and radiation right up until tge end. Being sicker from the treatment than the disease. Losing my masculinity to hormone therapy.

I want to spend time with those who care for me that is quality time. But those in my life are telling me what I feel and what I want to do is wrong. How can I help them see what I have chosen is better than what I face by trying to beat this.