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Thread: What a long strage trip it's been

  1. #1
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    Jul 2019
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    What a long strage trip it's been

    Hi,

    I had Hep B and D in the 1980's and never took any treatment. I was pretty sick for a couple weeks but pulled through on my own and the Dr. said I have Immune status to Hep B.In the mid 1990's I was diagnosed with Hep C. I was really sick for over a month but made it though. I knew what it was that made me sick but went to the local ER room to see a Dr after I got well to get confirmation.

    I had a lot of friends who had Hep C and every one of them talked about how sick treatment made them. A lot of the meds they advertise on TV now for treatment of Hep C have warnings if you've ever had hep B. I watched my Grandmother take Chemo for her cancer treatments and begged her to stop because I thought it was going to kill her but she stayed the course and her cancer was cured.

    I live alone and am alone in the world. I can't depend on anyone to do anything for me and I couldn't afford to be any sicker then I already was so I decided against taking treatments for Hep C. My body beat Hep B and D so I thought maybe it could beat Hep C. That has not been the case but I place my trust in God and believe when it's your time to go you're going no matter what.

    About 6 months ago I started getting sick to my stomach where I could be feeling fine and within 2 minutes be on the verge of throwing up or get sick. I was convinced to see my Primary Care Physician and did so for the first time in 4 years. He ordered an MRI of my brain and abdomen. It came back I had moderate cirrhosis, hepatic encephalopathy, 7mm areas of arterial enhancement in the right hepatic lobe and "innumerable small regenerative lobes throughout the liver".

    My Doctor said it was the first time he had ever seen a report where they could actually see HE on an MRI. My brain must be full of toxins. The regenerative lobes were described as how the liver tries to regenerate but things go wrong on the cellular level and that's what develops into cancer. He had a blood test done and it did show the flag for liver cancer was elevated. He recommended I see an Oncologist and have an appointment in a week or so. I won't submit to a biopsy and is partly why I wouldn't take treatments for Hep C.


    I was familiar with "brain fog" being associated with Hep C but hepatic encephalopathy was something new to me so I researched it. It has me written all over it. My short-term memory is failing fast, my thoughts aren't as clear as they once were and I'm finding it hard to take in information I used to understand clearly. On a level of 0-5 with Level 0 being mildly affected and Level 5 in a coma I would put myself at Level 1 right now but can see myself progressing up the scale. I've read other people with HE talk about how they do things and have no memory of what went on for an extended period of time. I can't get like that because I don't know what I'll do considering the possibilities. Losing my mental acuity worries me more than dying.

    I do have a sibling but they have only been to my apartment once in over 10 years. I can't go to their home because the apartment building I live in has had bedbugs. They're afraid I'll bring little visitors with me and I don't want to go over in case they get them on their travels and get blamed for it. I called to let them know about the medical details and they wanted to know if there were any prized personal possessions I'd like them to have to remember me by. Something that won't have a chance of infesting them with bedbugs like jewelry. They have a big family and not one person has called since I told them about my condition. I can understand why. It would be awkward after never having called once to ask how I was feeling the last 25 years or so.

    I'm not telling anyone else because I'm not that close to anyone and don't want them to know. I watched how the people in the building I live in treated a girl who was going through Chemo and it was awful. I stood up for her but they didn't think she should be cut any slack because she was going through Chemo.

    I've spent the majority of the last 10 years so or home alone. Things have gotten bad for me here recently and it no longer feels like my home. I'm thinking of moving but not sure what to do at this point. I don't have anyplace else to go and don't now how long I'll be able to take care of my personal needs like cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. much less remember things like where I put important papers. It might be best to stick it out as log as I can.

    I have a prepaid burial plan but a couple years ago canceled my funeral services and am going for immediate burial. If people can't come see me while I'm alive I don't want them standing around looking at me when I'm dead trying to think of something nice to say. That would be embarrassing and I won't know the difference anyway.

    I plan on telling the oncologist I'm going to refuse any treatment. If cancer doesn't get me HE or cirrhosis will so what's the point in dragging it out. I only want them to help with pain relief to the extent possible so I don't die a long drawn out painful death. The best outcome IMO would be a fast onset of liver cancer and to pass on before I go into dementia and die from HE. I already told my primary care doctor that and he didn't comment. I don't know how the oncologist will react or if they will help me at all in regard to pain relief. I'll just do the best I can to get through it with as much style and grace as possible.

  2. #2
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    Mar 2017
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    I sent you a DM.

 

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