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Thread: My daddy died last night (not a good death)

  1. #1

    My daddy died last night (not a good death)

    I am so numb right now. Last night was the worst and best experience in my life. I've read stories about people whose loved one passed away peacefully. Even though it's never good to lose somebody you care about, I am so happy you had that experience. My dad sat there and struggled for every breath for nearly 48 hours. We could hear as his lungs slowly filling with fluid. It was heartbreaking. Every breath he took rattled. Five or six hours from the end, I wanted to scream with the helplessness it made me feel.

    At the end (and this is the "best" part) my brother, sisters and mother and I were all surrounding his bed. We sang a song to him. His favorite song that he was singing with us just three days earlier. At the end of the song, right as we were singing the very last note, he opened his eyes and took his last breath.

    I don't know if I'm ever going to be right again. My heart is so full of heartache and despair. My faith tells me Dad is free from his broken body now. I'm so glad. I will imagine him with his parents and siblings. Laughing and playing cards.

    How do we get through this?

  2. #2
    Administrator Top User brainman's Avatar
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    Oh, I am so sorry about your father's death . I know what you mean about the mixed feelings of seeing someone you love deeply dyeing. Both of my parents did of cancer and I was honored to be with them when it happened. I was there primary care provider for the last months of their lives. For us who are able to deal with mixed feelings, it is a mixture of awe about seeing our loved ones go from this world into the next, a deep since of lose/grief/sadness, and joy that their pain is over.

    It very much sounds like you are on the right path. I do not think you have to worry much about "getting though this." It sounds like you have the support of a loving family and friends, that you are a strong person with an abiding faith, and you are not afraid to share your feelings. All of these things and probably many other things that I do not know about will help you find your own way.

    By no means do I mean to say it will be an easy and short trip. I am still grieving the death of my daughter; she died almost 30 years ago. I am still grieving the death of my mother (10 years ago) and my father (2 years ago). But it does get easier with time.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Jim
    Long-term cancer survivor
    1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
    2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
    http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
    My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
    My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
    My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029

  3. #3
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    I am so very sorry to hear of you dad's passing. It brought tears to my eyes reading how your wonderful dad passed as it sounds exactly the same as my dad's suffering! My dad passed away on june 27 this year, I was with him and he had the same few days of awful rattling breathing as his lungs filled with fluid. At the end I was sitting behind him holding him forward so he could breathe a little easier, suddenly the rattle vanished and his breathing got really laboured, I called in mum and my mum's best friend(sadly my brother had gone to town to get more morphine for dad and arrived 5 min after dad passed) and he took his last breath in my arms, it shattered me.
    It sounds as though you have a close and loving family to help you through the next very hard few months. You will need their support so very much, it is going to be a very trying time in your life.
    I had a very hard time with the memories of those last days clouding my thoughts constantly, but now I try and remember all the wonderful times we shared, all the advice he shared with my brother and I, our fun family camping trips the laughter and joy he brought to so many people as I am sure your dad did too!!
    I still struggle every day but I have to admitt it is slowly getting easier, at first I was furious that everyone was just getting on with life even though dad was gone, but now I realise that is how they live on, through our lives and experiences, our memories and love for them.
    I wish you and yor family all the very best and am sending you all my strength to help you in this hard time.
    If you ever need to talk to someone who knows what you are going through please don't hesistate to email me on cheriewolski@bigpond.com
    I'd like to think this experience could be somehow used to help others.

  4. #4
    You are so right to imagine your dad now being with his family who passed before him, and know he is still with you as well - he may be gone but you don't ever have to let go of feeling his spirit being with you. My mom will eventually pass away from this ugly cancer as well, but I already know I'll continue to have conversations with her (even though they'll be one-sided, I know she'll hear me). Your dad's last breath sounds like a moment filled with love passing both ways. Hold on to those happy thoughts of where he is now and your happy memories of how his life bestowed blessings upon you. My prayers are with you and your family.

  5. #5
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    Your story made me cry, man! I know how it feels to lose someone from the family. I have lost my mother, both uncles, auntie and a grandfather and I am still 27. I did everything I could to save my auntie from pancreatic cancer. We found one of the best doctors in Athens, Greece and I was beside her all the time. She passed away at 17th, at 52 years and I cannot stop blaming myself that I could not stop her to go to my mother... last night 16th of November/ I saw her at 10 PM, and she grab my hand and smiled at me... I can't forgive myself that I left her with her husband, cause she was dead in the next morning... I wish I could have been with her all the night. That's why I admire what you did for your father! Let these heroes rest in peace!

  6. #6
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    Sorry about your Dad.

    Daddysgirl 4,
    I know what you are going through. I lost my Dad to Pancreatic cancer on March 30, 2008. He was in the hospital or a nursing home for nine months. He lost so much weight that he was skin and bones when he died. It was so hard to watch my daddy go downhill. I was a Daddy's girl too. It has been nine months and I still miss him terribly. I also lost my husband to colon cancer on December 5, 2004. I still miss him too. The pain of the loss does get better but it never goes away completely. At least I now that my Dad and my husband are not suffering any more.
    I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and my prayers. Hang in there.

  7. #7
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    Hello Daddys Girl,

    I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. Your description echoes my own family's pain. It is a year since my Dad died, and like your Dad he struggled with breathing until the end.

    Life was numb for about a month and now things are easier. You will slowly be able to live again but at first the days will be hard. Eventually the pain will ease and you will be able to remember and laugh about the good times. They are precious

    You and your family are in my thoughts.
    With warm Regards,

    Queensland Girl

    Mum diagnosed June 1993, surgery and chemo died August 1993 (Pancreatic Cancer)
    Dad diagnosed July 2007, chemo only died January 2008 (Pancreatic Cancer)

 

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